A Promise: I Will Not Slander My Ex-Husband

Someone once told me, “You can’t control what happens to you; you can only control your response.” With everything I’ve been through, most people would expect me to be bitter and resentful towards my ex-husband and even cynical about the idea of a fulfilling relationship in the future. This is not the way I chose to live. I am not a victim. A few people have commented or even reached out to me recently to Read more…

Ellie’s Emergency-Anti-Feeling-Crappy-About-Herself Protocol

Feeling generally terrible about myself has been a real hurdle in healing from my divorce. For me, every crappy feeling is rooted in a lie of some sort. My strategy in facing the crap is to identify the lie and replace it with truth. Lies circulate like a nauseating merry-go-round: “you’re ugly,” “you’ll never be happy again,” “you deserved it,” “you weren’t good enough for him.” As these lies would spin faster and faster in Read more…

Reclaiming: A Position for Healing

“Divorce is not in my vocabulary.” This was my motto before the you-know-what-hit the proverbial fan in my marriage. More than a year ago, I found out my husband of 5 ½ years was having an affair and although I was desperate for restoration with him, that’s not my story. It wasn’t until I was well into the legal process that I could actually say the dreaded “D-word.” Divorce was literally not in my vocabulary. Read more…

6 Essential Reclaiming Buddies

Choosing your Reclaiming buddies can make or break your Reclaiming experience. When I set out to Reclaim someplace or something, I had a few go-to friends who would uplift me and still allow me to express the range of my emotions. Remember, the goal of Reclaiming: To face the pain of my past To create a new and positive association The job of my Reclaiming buddies was not to distract me from my pain or Read more…

Reclaiming 101

The hashtag #Reclamation2k17 has been plastered on nearly all my social media posts this year. Many have said to me “I love your ‘Reclaiming’ thing on Facebook but I’m not sure what it means.” Soon after I discovered my ex-husband’s affair, I began facing the pain of the betrayal intentionally. I called that process “Reclaiming.” Here’s my definition: Reclaiming (v): Identifying a fearful, painful internal reaction to a place or a thing that holds a Read more…