Someone once told me, “You can’t control what happens to you; you can only control your response.” With everything I’ve been through, most people would expect me to be bitter and resentful towards my ex-husband and even cynical about the idea of a fulfilling relationship in the future. This is not the way I chose to live.

I am not a victim.

A few people have commented or even reached out to me recently to say something poor about my ex-husband after reading this blog. While I recognize and appreciate their good intentions and concern for me, I need to be clear about this: I will not dishonor him! The purpose of this blog is not to trash-talk or to gather support against him. I have chosen forgiveness. Justice is not my job nor is it my rallying cry.

The purpose of this blog is to express my response to the unavoidable circumstances of my life. I do not regret falling in love or getting married. I also do not I regret getting separated or filing for divorce. I learned how to love and honor by being married. I learned how to Reclaim and forgive by getting divorced.

As I progressed through healing, anger began to subside. As this change was happening, I knew turning back and holding on to hurt wasn’t helpful. That is why gossiping about my ex-husband, whether it’s true or not, is not helpful. Don’t get me wrong, in the thick of the divorce last year, I did plenty of venting to my friends and family, but I’m not there anymore.

I would like to come to a mutual understanding with you, my readers, that we would not dishonor my ex-husband. Justice does not belong to us and pretending it does is not beneficial to anyone.

If you know my ex-husband or even if you don’t, I challenge you to choose forgiveness. Maybe you’re reading this and someone else is coming to mind. Who do you need to forgive? Taking a step towards forgiveness is a radical way of freeing yourself from the ties of pain. It can start with something as small as not speaking poorly about them. Without specifics, comment below what forgiveness looks like for you. As for me, I will not slander my ex-husband.


ellieherringshaw

A Reclaimed child of God.

5 Comments

Bruce Ring · January 28, 2018 at 8:33 pm

On the farm the saying was , If you take the high road you don’t end up with shit on your boots. .

Barbra · January 29, 2018 at 1:17 am

I loved this post. I use to resent my mom and was so bitter. But it did not help me to move forward. I agree with you. Forgiveness is key, especially if you want to heal from the hurt.

Leslie Rodeck · January 30, 2018 at 4:50 am

Forgiveness gives us the freedom to live and breath and have another day. It releases the chains that bind us to sin and sadness which can hold us back or paralyze us. The process may take a while but the more we practice, the quicker it may happen the next time. This is the freedom Jesus died for and it equips us to choose love.

Caity · March 30, 2018 at 5:12 pm

For me, forgiveness has looked like choosing to release the anger. I realized that it was getting me nowhere. The day after I made that choice, the person in question did a thing that normally would have sent me through the roof. Only inexplicably, it didn’t this time. Instead, I felt sadness, but not for myself, and then later this person actually apologized to me (a first in my memory). It’s amazing how God can honor your choice to forgive.

In a different situation (the one that I need to work on reclaiming for myself), I wonder how you can go about sharing your story without speaking badly of someone. If what they did was bad, isn’t talking about what happened automatically talking bad about the person that hurt you? I resonate with the idea of not slandering people, but I have trouble with separating the two ideas.

Confessions of a Newly-Single Divorcée – rclaimed · March 29, 2018 at 3:05 pm

[…] I can’t and won’t hide the fact that I’m divorced. I usually disclose it within the first 5 minutes of meeting anyone. It’s my story, and I can’t help but share it. I don’t want to scare anyone away, but I also don’t want to hide this huge part of my life. (Read my promise to not slandering my ex-husband) […]

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