Someone once told me, “You can’t control what happens to you; you can only control your response.” With everything I’ve been through, most people would expect me to be bitter and resentful towards my ex-husband and even cynical about the idea of a fulfilling relationship in the future. This is not the way I chose to live.
I am not a victim.
A few people have commented or even reached out to me recently to say something poor about my ex-husband after reading this blog. While I recognize and appreciate their good intentions and concern for me, I need to be clear about this: I will not dishonor him! The purpose of this blog is not to trash-talk or to gather support against him. I have chosen forgiveness. Justice is not my job nor is it my rallying cry.
The purpose of this blog is to express my response to the unavoidable circumstances of my life. I do not regret falling in love or getting married. I also do not I regret getting separated or filing for divorce. I learned how to love and honor by being married. I learned how to Reclaim and forgive by getting divorced.
As I progressed through healing, anger began to subside. As this change was happening, I knew turning back and holding on to hurt wasn’t helpful. That is why gossiping about my ex-husband, whether it’s true or not, is not helpful. Don’t get me wrong, in the thick of the divorce last year, I did plenty of venting to my friends and family, but I’m not there anymore.
I would like to come to a mutual understanding with you, my readers, that we would not dishonor my ex-husband. Justice does not belong to us and pretending it does is not beneficial to anyone.
If you know my ex-husband or even if you don’t, I challenge you to choose forgiveness. Maybe you’re reading this and someone else is coming to mind. Who do you need to forgive? Taking a step towards forgiveness is a radical way of freeing yourself from the ties of pain. It can start with something as small as not speaking poorly about them. Without specifics, comment below what forgiveness looks like for you. As for me, I will not slander my ex-husband.